Tragic Masculinity and The Smashing Pumpkins' "Galapogos"

You've heard of "toxic masculinity," but what about "tragic masculinity?" You probably haven't heard of that one, because I just now made it up. But I think it perfectly describes the sentiments expressed in The Smashing Pumpkins' song "Galapogos" on their famed album, Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness.

Opening with a single guitar line drawn out in a magical and hypnotic intro, it's as if the song is taking you back through time to transcend the portals between adulthood and childhood, reality and innocence, responsibility and a care-free life, all seen through the prisms of both love and fear. Interestingly, an alternate title to the song is actually "The Innocents." Although the Smashing Pumpkins were "sad before it was cool to be sad," the "emo" label might still apply to many aspects of their vibe as a band. The intensely emotional nature of many of their songs deal with the struggles of sadness and depression, and the image of a thin and emotional lead singer singing about his feelings might not conjure the strongest sense of what people might stereotypically think of as "masculine." Because surely, that would be Nickelback. (Just kidding). But knowing the incredibly hard work Billy Corgan and his bandmates put into recording their music and prolifically writing hundreds of songs, all while standing up to both the music industry and the world to express what they believe, it's hard to not call that incredibly strong-willed, determined, brave - and masculine.

Then throw in the gut-wrenching dramas of their own personal lives in the mix. Many would buckle under the pressure. Many would throw themselves out a window. And maybe they thought about doing that from time to time. But instead - they pressed on and consistently performed and created. "Galapogos" seems to reflect the struggles of a man dealing with all of that. It speaks of a man's love for his woman - and his fear of losing her. "and should I fall from grace here with you, would you leave me too?" In men's "red pill" communities about relationships with women, the sentiment is often expressed that a man isn't truly valued or loved for who he is - but for what he can provide. And his ability to provide is inextricably attached to his masculinity, and therefore his attractiveness and value to a woman (any woman). While there may be echoes of certain truths in these sentiments, and these sentiments may even be completely true in regards to certain women, the idea that a man's value is ONLY based on his ability to provide is, objectively, a very sad one. To place an intangible, etheric idea of value on a tangible outcome already does not make intellectual sense - and yet, it is the tragic paradigm on which many men and women operate. "and rescue me from me, and all that I believe" "and tell me I am still the man I'm supposed to be" It's as though he's a man who wants to be loved for who he is, warts, failings and all, but feels compelled to be more and always try to out-do himself in order to continue to be loved. This is the belief that propels him and yet secretly tortures him at the same time. Am I doing enough? Am I man enough? Please tell me I am.

Sadly, this echoes the classic complex of an abused child - which Billy Corgan was, and has struggled his whole life with its effects. And yet he is willing to go through whatever might be necessary, if just to preserve being loved.

"I won't deny the change, I won't deny the pain" Truly, wanting to provide and take care of your loved ones is masculine, but the sense of desperation and fear that come from the belief that he will be abandoned if he doesn't is tragically masculine. Of course, the "red-pill" mindset might be - don't be afraid of losing her. Let go.

But it's hard to love someone and not care about losing them. There is a selfishness to such a way of thinking that cheapens the love you give and makes it more shallow. And some people, when they love, love with their whole hearts. Arguably, it's how one should love. Not to give yourself away completely, of course - but to have balance. One of my favorite quotes is from the quasi-heroic villain of the Breaking Bad series, Gus Fring. "And a man, a man provides. And he does it even when he's not appreciated, or respected, or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he's a man." I resonate a lot with this and I think a lot of men do, too. The idea that you buck up and do your job, even if unappreciated, because at the very least you have your own self-respect and pride in what you're doing and your ability to do it. There may be, arguably, some tragic aspect in there, but it's the force that pushes a lot of men forward to do what they do every day.

But if too much of a person's identity is wrapped up in their ability to do something or to provide something, either in their own idea of themselves or others ideas of them, it can be devaluing to them as a human being. And sometimes, a person doesn't want to just be loved only by subjective ideas of what a man or a woman is supposed to be, but as a human being as well. "Will you leave me, too? Will you leave me, too?"